Landmarks, Flowers and Aloha Friday

     All together now "It's Aloha Friday, no work till Monday. It's Aloha Friday, no work till Monday.  It's Aloha Friday no work till monday.  It's Aloha Friday no work till Monday." While the lyrics of the song are not always true, it's still a fun song to sing.

     Not only is it Aloha Friday today Conduit for Love has had over 1,000 views! I know that is not that much and it is still a landmark.  My intention was to never get a lot of viewers, it was rather to challenge myself to express and share more of my thoughts, my mind, my should, my desires, my fears and my art. To be a creative person and welcome all the challenges that come with that.  Any "advertising" has been inspired by my artistic calling rather than wanting adoration, affirmation or validation.  I'm here, doing it and that's what matters most.

     Today we are going to celebrate with one of my most favorite things. FLOWERS! I love Flowers! I love buying them for others, growing them, buying them for myself, making leis for my loved ones out of them, making flower crowns, painting them, admiring them and countless other activities.  Flowers are one of natures many arts and I absolutely adore them. So if anyone ever wants to buy me flowers.  It would be welcomed with much appreciation enthusiasm and love.

So here are some Flowers!

A Gardenia that I put next to a picture of my mother.  We had them growing all around the house.  Gardenia's make me think of heaven and home.  I love them so much.

Pink! Pink makes me think of one of my favorite colors and of magic.

A flower outside a nearby restaurant.  Orange makes me think of monks, my grandmother and a dear friend of mine.  Orange and blue makes me think of my grandma and art.

Yellow is happiness and sunshine.

I associate Purple with royalty and psychic abilities.

I find these flowers so interesting.  They are even beautiful at the end of summer when they are all dried up.  I think "Don't pick the flowers" and its my own joke that I find funny.

A single Hibiscus in Hawai'i.

A water lily in Hawai'i

Rhododendrons remind me of living with my grand parents as a kid and of heartbreak.

A flower on our table at Cafe Coco

The juxtaposition of hard and soft outside of the Hardware store.

Spots of orange, like Monet.

Bougainvillea, my grandmother, Hawai'i, the Lindbrook Courtyard.

The Hindu Temple, Kauai.

Nature's Painting

Roses by my grandparent's grave.

Made arrangements out of these flowers for my Grandmother's last living Birthday.

My cousin helping me pick out Grandmas flowers in the International District of LA.

My friends flower shop.

Where I used to process flowers at my friend's flower shop.

Gave this one to a man.  I can't remember it's name.

Went searching for a stump to sit on, just before giving up.  found this one adorned.

A tulip outside the police station on my way to work.

I hope that these flowers brought a little extra joy to your day.  Comment below about a story about you and flowers, doesn't have to be grand, and I'll send you a little gift.  A picture of one of these flowers to celebrate this landmark.  Happy Aloha Friday.

A Bounty of Gifts

    Re-entry after Burning Man can be a bit challenging.  This year it was especially hard for me.  I think the combination of being super devoted to healing others, fulfilling my promises of carrying messages to the temple, getting really sick and not be able to have a day/night to be able to do whatever I wanted, the pure intensity of it, the inexplicable magic and not being able to get the sense of freedom that I wanted in the ways that I wanted it (time to be mindful that I did get freedom in other ways) left my heart hurting, my mind blown, my body sick and hurting and my soul very sad perceiving that I would need to wait another year before being able to get the things I wanted out of Burning Man.  After some contemplation I know that I got what I needed and that it may not have manifested itself in the ways that I wanted, that I can MANIFEST the freedom I wanted there through some action here, that it is better to accept MAGIC than to wonder how it is possible (explaining the inexplainable can be very hard on the mind), that I am still processing what happened and that I may never finish processing it, that through working through some hard work, challenging actions and fears I have come out of it a stronger, more fearless, more self-confident and more belief in myself as a healer.  I know that through every bit of advice that I gave to others was also advice for myself.  My brain now thinks "What am I doing, I wasn't going to write all this about Burning Man I was going to write about gifts and now I am writing about Burning Man and I haven't figured it all out yet and I am writing like I have.  Continue on.".

     I had the intention today to write about gifting.  Gifting is a a great foundation of Burning Man and can present itself through actions, words, love, physical gifts, when we open our mind to exactly "what a gift can be" we can realize how many of them we have in our lives.  Some gifts that I got on the playa included but are not limited to:
a ride to go get my stuff from the truck stop (this need not be explained)
acupuncture
energy work
m&m's
prunes
a children's book that was written by a woman who came to me for consultation
a laminated picture with a quote on the back
a tow out to the temple to see it burn
help getting my tent stakes out from the ground
a meal from camp Potluck
a necklace with a shell
a necklace that lights up to audio activation.  It blinks when I or others talk. HOW COOL :)
high fives (seriously high fives are awesome and there needs to be more of them)
kind ears and souls to listen to me when I was overwhelmed. sick, frustrated and disappointed
a bounty of yummy food
a beautiful creative skirt thingy
3 pieces of mail (my campmates think I am very popular) 2 of which were received on a day that I  
      was oh so sick and oh so sad (no one wants to get super sick at burning man especially on their                    
      day off)
An origami crane that was in one of the pieces of mail
A piece of art that was in another one of the pieces of mail
A beautiful card that made my soul feel alive and connected when I even think of it (the other piece
      of mail
A spritz of water on an utterly hot day
Magical Holy Basil and Sweet Rose tea
Ayurverdic healing
Ginger Crystals
Yummy Mocktails
A flower! (I told someone they were beautiful and then they gave me a real live flower)
Belief in me
Hugs! Lots and Lots and Lots of Hugs.  I LOVE hugs! and am always willing to accept more unless
       of course I think you are a creep in which case I won't want to hug you.
Help getting my stuff to the Burner Express Stop
People packed my stuff at the truck stop when I was sick and hurting
An AMAZING pickle.  Seriously best pickle ever!
a kind soul to hold on to my apartment keys so I wouldn't lose them on Playa
a kind soul to look after my car so it wouldn't accrue parking tickets and get towed away
a tow to see the temple burn when I was too sick to bike or walk
the delivery of my personal items by Camp Baggage Check to the temple when I was too sick to bike
     or walk
peppermint candies
Juice
I really don't want to forget any gifts but I know that I may be.  I can always come back and add them
      later :)

So those are some of the lovely gifts that I received.  One way to get over the Post Playa Blues is to try to manifest things that one values about Burning Man in their every day life.  The other day, as I said before, I was feeling sad, sick, confused about the meaning of all of it and I became mindful of all the amazing people that I have here in this sometimes cold city and the bounty of gifts that I am receiving now.  So to bring elation to the heart and appreciation to the gifts lets list them here.

An invitation to go participate in the gathering of The International Council of the 13 Indigenous
      Grandmothers in Africa (SO EXCITED!!!!)
help getting my stuff from the truck location to home
HUGS! the local florist adores me and loves to give me hugs :)
There was a street fair by where I live so I got the following from that
    A piece of chocolate
    A stress release packet
    A mixture of herbal tea
    A Rose sachet
    5 Gladiolas (they were only giving away 1 at a time and the local florist adores me :)
A kind soul to listen to me about my anxiety and sadness over this past burn (it was really intense)
Notice that I was going to receive a care package in the mail (having pen pals is the best!)
Words of love, appreciation and adoration from my wonderful friends
Funny tales of VERY inappropriate things that made me laugh and blush

   I would love to share more about the Gifts that I gave to others, and I haven't really thought of that, prior to writing this entry I made a little list of some of the gifts I received and didn't include gifts that I gave.  I also, can't spend all morning dreaming of things to write here.  Time to get some stuff done.

     So I will leave with these closing thoughts.  That which we may want we already have, one must look closely for it may not appear in the ways we know how to recognize it.  Dreams remain dreams if they live in the head, when they are acted upon or steps are taken to manifest them, then they become reality.  The reality that we live in is as beautiful, as ugly, as sad or as wonderful as we perceive it to be.  Sometimes a little shift in perspective can create big changes!  Everyone is loved and inside every person there is some hurt so, always try to be kind.  If you don't feel loved, remember that I LOVE YOU.

This entry is not edited or corrected and is inspired by immediacy.


 

Graduation Day

I totally forgot that today, August 12, 2014,  I graduate from group/ my skills class / the torture chamber.  WoW! have I changed through this year.
                                     
Here are some Random Thoughts

1. I didn't get kicked out of group, and with my health and traveling was amazing, they kick you out        after you miss 4 classes.

2. I avoided ramming my head through the wall despite all the urges to escape by any means possible.

3.  as more time passed I became more calm, less anxious, and really began to see how the work I was doing was affecting my life.

4.  I began thinking, "I should write a blog or something to share with others these amazing skills I've learned.  Which I soon after remembered that I pretty much hated group for the first 8-9 months and don't know if I could've been very inspiring then.

5.  I can't wait to wear my fancy Mexican dress that I wore to my cousins ordination.  I will also have fancy hair and fancy jewelry.  I am definitely going to overdo it considering that I've also been contemplating the tiara.

6.  I need to buy some cool stickers.  We get stickers after completing our homework and I find them to be rather dull.  So I thought buying cool stickers would be a nice parting gift.

7.  I enjoyed being a leader.  Once I realized that I was the person that had been there the longest, I reflected on the people that I viewed that way when I was just starting out.  I tried to pull together a thing of lists that they did and emulate the greater good in them along with the greater good in me.
So what I did was

a.  Always show up no matter what

b. Always do your homework no matter what

c.  Show others the parts of you that scare yourself so that they know that they're not alone and they can experience less fear from those similar parts in themselves.

d.  Give advice, but not all the time, only when the person is really struggling and you can phrase it in a positive way.

e. lead by example

f. show others how I cope by specifically wording how I explain my homework so that others can make it more imaginable to pertain to themselves.

g. Validate.  One day in group we were to validate the other person sitting next to us.  She was really struggling with asking for what she wants in life, and it is something that I really struggle with as well. " _____, I know this is really hard right now and I know that asking for what you want when your used to negative things happening afterwards makes it scary.  And it's not as scary. I want you to know that I believe in you, I believe that you will be able to ask for the things that you want, the things that you need, and you will lead a much more happier and fulfilled life as a result.  You will have the things that you desire. Keep plugging away." It was nice to see here body relax, to get a smile, I knew in that moment that she was believing in herself when before she was really scared.

8. I learned to embrace that I am a cryer.  Seriously I cry a lot.  I cry when I am happy, when I am sad, when something is beautiful, I've cried looking at paintings before.  It's been a struggle for me to articulate things that are important to me and be taken seriously all the while I am crying.  I would get really dis-regulated in group when I was trying to describe my homework  and was crying again.  My teachers told me that I need to own that I am a cryer, that I need to embrace that part of myself and love it because it is very special. I remember the next group I began crying and I said "i know that I am crying again but I don't give a damn because it just shows that I care, that I am said, and despite all the bullshit that's been going on, I am a good person and deserve better."  So now, I embrace that I am a crier and the majority of the time.  I don't get embarrassed.

9.  I learned, put me in a small room with no window, no ventilation, and a bunch of individuals who despite the fact that they are really struggling right now, also really want to change even though some of them believe that it's not possible, was really uncomfortable for me.  I expressed my discomfort by becoming really tight in my body language.  I would get anxiety as well, and there was no place for me to go.  This was really hard and it wasn't towards the end that I learned how to acknowledge that emotion and not let it overpower my body.  Crocheting, putting on lotion, putting on a special essential oil, and filing my nails really helps.

10.  I learned that I am going to miss the very thing that I've been trying to get away from this whole year.  In a way we are a small family, everyone is there for different reasons, we all have good days and bad days and we are all there because we want to get better so that we can become better people in our lives.  I will miss knowing that I am surrounded by a group of people that are scared shitless but our doing it anyways.  I now realize though, that there are probably plenty more people like this in my day to day life, there isn't a forum though to put it on display.

11. Being in group for a year, I saw ALOT of people come and go.  I don't know what their story is.  I don't know if they quit, got kicked out, I am sure a lot of people quit, i't was not an easy thing to do.  For the people that compromise my classmates right now.  I hope they stick around through all the hard parts.  I hope the notice the times when they are changing and become excited about the people they are becoming.  I hope they soon learn that their "demons" are not stronger than them.

My Favorite Shinning Star

   I moved a lot this spring (for two months straight as a matter of fact)  and as a result I had a legal box and more full of unattended mail and receipts and anything that was near the desk.  I've been pecking at the pile every now and then.  It's strange to come across receipts from dinner and excursions with the man that is no longer apart of my life any more.  I've made a conscious choice to think about the present and not the past, so to have all these receipts coming up was interesting.  I wasn't sad, maybe a tad, instead they were like flashbacks into a life that no longer is mine.  I'm fine with that, even though it makes me a tad sad, a tad mind you!

     Amongst the to do's, receipts, unopened mail, business cards, unsent holiday cards, unset postcards,  boarding passes, and what not I found,this gem.  I don't remember ever writing it.  It could've been 5 years ago.  The stationary it's written on is quite old.  I wonder who the girl is that wrote this, besides of course me.

     After day dreaming while it took forever to process photos, I remembered! Victory is mine! It was a note that I wrote to myself when I was participating in National Novel Writing Month.  I thought that these actions would help my protagonist grow and would make for interesting writing.  I like how it can apply to real life now. If your holding onto something, what would it look like if you let go? How would your life be different if you just kept going.

Shades of Pacific Sunrise

     Happy Aloha Friday Everyone! Time to chill out a bit :) Not really if your in Hawi'i right now.  I know though that some people are keeping it pretty chill.  Sending everyone there lots of Love, Aloha, and warm wishes for a safe storm passing.

     One of my favorite things to do is to watch the sunrise.  Sometimes I go outside with a cup of tea and bear witness to its full evolution.  Other times, I open one eye, look out my window at a giant pink cloud, or orange sky, or whatever magic is happening, think to myself "Wow! thats beautiful" and then promptly return to slumber land.

     My lovely cousin and I once had the pleasure of watching every sunrise together on kauai for about 2 weeks? one winter.  We were devoted.  My sleepy groggy self cherishes those.

    Its Aloha Friday so here are some sunrise photos over the pacific ocean after a transformation trip to the islands.  Orange is a very special color amongst some of my family members. So here are some transformations of the sky as the morning sun declares its arrival.   I like to thing of them as paintings.

Up on the Roof

eight thirty today

sunset stripes, blue and yellow

stranger slurping soup

Some Subtleties of the Salish Sea

Happy Aloha Friday! I wanted to do an entry to celebrate this, when I do this again, I think I will write the entry either on Thursday or early Friday morning.  I may keep it short and sweet.  I had so many photos on todays muse, photos of water from above, that it was so hard to select.  To my right was dinner and on the screen was 98 photos.  So I just decided to go with a theme, soft tonality shifts, and put up all the photos that go with that.  Water is one of my favorite things to photograph.  I cope with my fear of flying by taking lots of pictures.  I hope these photos add a little bit of soft comfort after a long week.  The Sea loves you and so do I.