The Honesty of 1:33 AM

     I can't sleep and I'm scared and wish that there was someone to tell me that everything will be ok. Not feeling to positive right now. I'm going to try my best to rest and to let go. I'm not too enthused that when people ask me to smile their first reaction is to laugh.  At the same time I am really grateful that I have a home, food in my fridge and clean water to drink.  I am trying hard not to judge myself as a stereotypical white privileged female.  When I look at my life I do know that I am blessed.  I just want my face to get better. I've been doing more research and it will more than likely take 1-3 months to get better.  I am not even positive we caught it in time enough for me to be in the 93% recovery rate. Being this vulnerable is making me feel really uncomfortable. I wish someone would come and sweep me up into a big giant hug. I should be writing this in a journal instead of here.  I am going to go back to bed now. Maybe I just needed to be authentic and not be all "super positive".  This emotion will pass and I'll feel better.  Thanks for listening. If you have any extra good energy to send my way.  I'll take it right now.  Also, I really want a piece of cake.  I'm on a no sugar diet so instead I will gladly eat an organic asian pear that I am very grateful to have.  Nope.  Just going to lay back down and imagine that I am surrounded by healing love.  Love you! P.S I'll post some pretty pictures soon.

Tell Me that My Smile is Beautiful

   


Well, I am feeling lots of different emotions right now, triggered, tired, blessed, scared, sad, drained, and thankful, very very thankful.  Today started out pretty normally.  I ate my bowl of quinoa with shredded coconut, freshly cooked cranberries and almond milk.  My head started hurting, its the time of the month where it does, so I layed down and before meditating or falling asleep I thought about how people who are really good at grammar and quick to point out another persons bad grammar may be missing the point.  Just because someone doesn't write properly it doesn't mean they are stupid.  What it could mean is that their dyslexic.  Which I am.  So I just wanted to get that out in the open and let it rest to percolate. I layed down listened to a guided meditation and fell asleep.

I awoke with my head hurting less and began preparing my lunch of quinoa, black beens, butternut squash, cooked beat greens, brussel sprouts and beets. A bowl full of iron :)  Today is tuesday and on tuesday I go see my therapist.  I've been working for some time and quite hard on healing and trying to become the best possible me.  It's scary, hard and a lot of fun.

     Whenever I get a migraine though, the last place I want to go is to my therapist.  So as a trick, I'll text her in the am, tell her I am not feeling well that I will go to sleep, wake up feel better and make my appointment.  It's a way of holding myself accountable.
   
    I sat down and after exchanging pleasantries she began asking me questions like "did you have dental work today?" No. Why? Because when you smile half of your face doesn't move.  I laughed and thought that was funny and she said no.  Look at your face.  She handed me her iPhone in mirror mode.  I smiled and half of my face was not responding.  Right away I knew that this was a symptom of a stroke.  I was there when my grandma had her stroke and I was there the 10 years after her stroke.  I looked at my face and thought stroke.  My therapist wanted to assure me that its best not to jump to conclusions right now.  That getting stressed out won't help it.  I had an idea.  "I have swedish triage's number plugged into my phone so that if I am ever not sure whether or not I need to go to the ER, I call them." So I call them and put my phone on speaker so that my therapist can hear and contribute as well.  They ask me some questions and a minute later they are telling us that they want us to call 911 right now.  My therapist asks "you want us to call 911 or take her to a hospital" their response was call 911.
   

     As my therapist took care of that I went through the ok, crap, I am going to go to the er, I don't know what's going to happen so I need to let the people that love me and some friends know that I am going to the ER.  This was hard because right away, my instincts were to call my parents, but I don't have parents, and in situations like these, that's a tough pill to swallow. not only am I faced with something really scary but I also have to confront again that some of the people that are supposed to be in my life aren't.   But I move ahead, I notify my cousin, I give my therapist my cousins number cause he's my emergency contact just in case something goes wrong.  I send a text to a couple of friends and then we are on our way to the lobby.  The fire department and 5 firemen are all there.  My therapist explains what happens and they asks me to smile.  So I do, still half of my face isn't responding, they have an eye tracking thing that they want me to do. They want me to pull on their hands.  There is someone in plain clothes taking notes and I find this odd.  They ask me what day it is. Ask me where I am. I answer them all.  They don't know whats wrong.  Although my face looks like I am having a stroke, my blood pressure and everything else is ok.
No one thinks I need  5,000.00 taxi to go to the hospital so my therapist tells them that she'll take me to the ER and get an Uber.
 

      The ER waiting room, half of it smells like piss and the other half has a t.v that has day time television on.  Currently someone slept with someone else's cousin so everyone needs to argue and yell.  I mention to my therapist how much I dislike arguing and yelling and we agree that we feel the same way. "But you know if I had to pick between the side that smells like pee or the side with the screaming people.  I'll obviously pick screaming.

Around 10 minutes, and several more follow up texts they call my name.  I have a bunch of bags with me and was eating some food, sometimes once you get in the er they won't let you eat anything so I was taking it while I could.  The man that smelled like pee kept getting up, the t.v was so loud that the nurse couldn't hear us responding.  Voila! I am going to my very cold room that she notice and asks me if I would like some blankets. I want to live in a snuggie right now, Yes please I will take the blankets.  We wait some more, I text a lot more, Ok.  I have someone that can come over at 5 and at 9. So if I am still here that's good.  My therapist thinks as well and heads out to help some other totally awesome person revolutionize their life.
   

     So I am still freaked out. In my head I here my grandmothers nurse saying over and over in her cute mexican accent  "you know Chrystal, your too stressed, you need to be stressed less, you know I work in the other hospital and we have a 28 year old girl who had a stroke.  Want to know what caused it? Stress. You need to stress less." So although the firemen have assured me that strokes rarely happen to people my age, I know that they happen and that I am exhibiting one of the distinct features of one. The Dr comes in, she wants me to grab, and pull and resist and do the eye thingy again.  She goes over to her computer types some information and says "I know what you have. You have Bell's Palsy." I have no idea what it is.  It is something where there is a nerve and either there was a virus or it got pinched, but it has detached (please do not quote me on all of this because it was kind of hard to understand at the moment." Most importantly I am not have a stroke.  Due to this nerve issue though, half of my face is paralyzed.  She tells me that my eye won't blink and that before I go to bed I need to put cream in my eye and then tape it shut. Then she tells me that they are going to give me steroids, before she even starts, the nurse is already puncturing packets and putting pills in my hands, and that if I take the steroids within the first 24-48 hours of symptoms I have  93 percent chance of my face not being paralyzed.  I want to make sure that my brain is ok.  She assures me that my brain is ok, at least from this.  I want to know if this has anything to do with my migraines, it doesn't.  They explain to me this new regime of eye care that I am going to need to do cause my eye won't blink.  I need to put the tears in my eyes every two hours, and wash my hands cause the last thing they want is my eye getting infected, and at night I am to put cream in my eye, put gauze over my eye (so that the tape doesn't pull out eyelashes or eyebrows) and tape my eye shut.  I need to take the steroids for 10 days.  I make a joke about how I've been losing weight, but er humor can fall on deaf ears. They also tell me about how the steroids can affect my mood and ability to sleep. I make another ER joke, I think we can establish a pattern of coping here :) Got those covered. So they are going to release me YAY! and there is nothing that they know of that is wrong with my brain. YAY! I just need to do a follow up with my dr and let everyone know that I am not dying. OK!

     I've been running in crisis mode for quite a bit, been trying to take care of all the details, realizing that this is a very triggering event for me since I was there when my grandma had her stroke and the sadness when I needed to call people and couldn't call my parents.  Luckily though, I have people that love me very much and want me to worry them with lots of phone calls :) Despite all this going on, I was handling things like a pro.  Once they told me what I had and left the room.  The floodgates were opened and the tears they started dropping.  Their doing it now just thinking about it.
I went to get my steroids and I walked out of the hospital.  It felt quite strange to be standing there, holding my heavy bag, feeling weak and tired, and being greated by all the excitement of rush hour.  I walk and call my cousin J. He immediately apologizes for what is going on with my face, I apologize if I worried him or upset him in any way. We are all good.  I tell him I am deffinately ready for bed and a movie.  And recount to him everything I recounted to you.
Cool! He just called! Now where was I...Oh yeah, talking about the difficult emotions of the whole experience.  I think I covered that.

     So I was walking along talk to J.  He asked me what I was up to now. "Well my eye won't blink so I need to find these special eyedrops along with a cream that I need to put in my eye and tape shut.  Hey I just found a drugstore that is in this weird construction area. Cool" We say we love the other person and hang up.  There is a line of 6 people waiting to drop off prescriptions.  Because I just got out of the ER, and I don't have a prescription, and the line is 6 people long I use this as an opportune time to ask for what I want and I get one of the pharmacists to help me find the eye ointment I need.  Win! I express my thanks to her.  Pay for my stuff and head out back into rush hour and the world of calling everyone or responding to everyone via text that is worried. Wow! going to the ER is exhausting! Not having a stroke is too.

     Even though I don't have parents.  I have lots of people that love me. People that will let me spend the night and have their dog lick my nose and stuff, people that are willing to come to be with me in the ER, I have my lovely therapist who not only provides me with skills and perception shifting to make this life more enjoyable but will also take me to the er, will totally get my er jokes and laugh at day time television with me.

 
      Life is tough. It's scary. It's messy. It's complicated. Its beautiful. Babies are born.  Babies cry. Life is filled with flowers, drug addicts, luscious fruits, barren land, and all of us some how or another are doing what we can.  It may not be perfect, neat, shiny and ready for day time television.  But it is real.  Every day I think about the things I am grateful for, my loved ones, financial stability, being able to travel, the gift of being able to enjoy my surroundings in a very inspiring way.  Today I am grateful that I am alive and that I did not have a stroke.  I'm also grateful that I still have at least half a smile.

     I don't know if my face will change or not.  I have to be ready to accept that this might be the way I look for the rest of my life.  I hope it will be seen as a like a scar. You know it adds character. I know that the things in my life that have been traumatizing also make me a better person.  They have given me compassion, loyalty, maybe my now smile will put everyone to rest, Life is a whole lot easier if we accept what is going on.  It would be easier for me if I could just find a way that I could smile at all the cuties in a way that will make them feel attracted more than whats "wrong with her face" Maybe the half smile (coping habit exhibiting itself again). No matter what though, I am not going to stop laughing or smiling.  Even if my face looks weird.  What do you think?

                            My heart will always smile like this, sun kissed in Hawai'i smile




                               Smile 1                                                                                   Smile 2

smile 3 (another bad joke)

half smile :) I don't normally smile that big anyways

I listened to this lovely man sing somewhere over the rainbow as I was walking down the street after just being released from the ER.  It was kind of surreal. Thanks bruddah iz!

The Mound of Moss

     I stop by his store.  I tell him that I am bleeding, I thought he would want to know. "Oh good" he tells me as he reaches out to hug me.  The response my body knew it was going to get.
He loves me enough to give me a handful of moss "you need some life.  Put it in a dish with some water in it and it will grow all winter into a mound of moss." I haven't told him that moss is one of my favorite things.

     I'm bleeding today, I sit on the toilet, with the cramping also comes  gratitude, savoring this moment, knowing that it won't be like this all of my life.  One day I won't bleed any more.  Something else will happen.  My body will go through some other type of shedding, protection and cultivation.

    There are many stories to be told, many photos to be shared.  Not today though.  I will wrap myself in white blanket and remember, my  body is tired, uncomfortable, sore and I am content, tired, loved.  I'm very very loved.

Not Falling Yet

Feeling in love with this moment.  Body ready for rest.

Bathing in the sound of the wind blowing through the leaves. Writing that made me think of a poem my grandmother told my I had written it when I was a kid.

Today is a day for
Dancing under the shadows of
Silver trees.

She said it was brilliant.

Found on the Ground, Looking Up at the Sky

     In me default life (Burning Man lingo for the life of a burner outside of Burning Man), I like to sometimes look at the ground when I walk, looking for things, call it an urban beach combing if you will.  I find cards, pieces of art, feathers, bird eggs, marbles, money, leafs, interesting things that fall out of trees, flowers,  cutouts of butterflies, stickers, jewelry, all kinds of stuff and the stuff varies depending on the season as well.  Sometimes if an item speaks to me, such as the Queen of Heart card that I found after a reading or beautiful intact flowers,  I will take it home and put it on my altar. It will stay there until I decide that I no longer want it there.
   
     My beach combing skills, which were finely high tuned after years of looking for particular shells and small pieces of glass for jewelry in Hawaii, come in pretty handy at Burning Man when it comes to picking up MOOP (Matter Out of Place) which is anything that doesn't belong there, on the ground.  I love to MOOP.  I feel like whenever I am doing it I am continuing a part of my heritage or legacy if you will.  I can remember my grandfather telling me "Chrystal, whenever you go some place, make sure that when you leave, you are leaving it more beautiful than when you first arrived."  I'd like to say that I always do this, I don't though, and it is a part of my practice of being a citizen of this world whereas I do it enough to the point that maybe one day I will do it everywhere I go.
   
     I definitely fulfill more than my 2 hours of required mooping each year at Burning Man.  When I am not on schedule for working I pretty much moop almost every time I walk back and forth to the porta potties.  I have a little moop bag that I put my moop in.  I enjoy being fascinated by what I find, there will always be sequins, glowsticks, cigarette buts, glow bracelets, pieces of toilet paper, pieces of wood however, sometimes one is lucky to find an absolutely beautiful bead, a flower from someones costume or a piece of jewelry.  One day when I was walking around camp and mopping, I bent down to pick up what I thought was a piece of paper which really turned out to be a window decal sticker of the man. "Sweet, best piece of moop ever." I showed it to one of my camp mate and he agreed.
   
     Since I've been back in my apartment I have been going through the long process of deplayafying everything.  Washing all the clothes, washing myself, washing my hair, wiping all the stuff done with water and vinegar.  It is a looooong process of which there is still much to do.  Today, I made it through a bag of clothes I did not wear, my tool kit and some leftover toiletries.  I made a note of all the things I used, all the things I didn't use and all the things I need to buy more of.  Before I put stuff away for the year I hope to have everything somewhat organized so that I can grab my bins, pack my clothes, spend a day buying whatever extra stuff I need and then head out on my way without needing to spend a long time making sure I have everything.

     Today, 6 o'clock rolled around and I was over it.  Stuff was everywhere and I thought "Screw it, I am going to put it in this box for now and I can organize it tomorrow." As I was putting everything away I bent down to pick up what I thought was a piece of recycling only to discover that it was the special Burning Man decal that I found on the Playa.  I was super stoked to find it cause I totally had forgotten about it.  I imagined what I would do with it, would I put it on my car and if I did would there be more of a chance of me getting pulled over? " Then, I was transported back into time.
I remember looking at my grandmothers wheelchair.  She had a Burning Man sticker on her wheelchair, she was always a woman ahead of her time.  One year a dear friend of ours had gone to the burn, had come back, and put the sticker on her chair.  I remember on day, we were sitting at lunch (we being my grandmother, my cousin and myself) talking about what actually goes on at Burning Man.  The topic of drug use came up.  At one point she said " I want to go to the dessert too and do LSD." Mind you this was after her stroke, my pre-stroke grandmother would have never said that. My cousin and I looked at each other, looked at her, she looked at us, my cousin and I were silent and she said, "I do, I really do, lets go to the desert and do LSD." My cousin had to say to her that we couldn't do that and she looked very disappointed.

     When we were out in the desert this year there was one day where I could particularly feel the presence of my grandmother.  I was really sick and hadn't made it to any of the burns, I had made an announcement at dinner that if anyone knew of anyway that I could make it out to the temple burn without needing to walk or bike I would be very appreciative and that if it didn't happen I wouldn't be heartbroken (the last part I think was a lie I was just trying to tell myself.)
I found some people that could give me a ride out there but I wasn't guaranteed a ride back.  My fever was high and I felt really bad that I knew that I couldn't stay out there long or I could get much worse.  I had given up on the whole thing every happening when my campmate grabbed me by the arm, pulled me over to a fellow campmate and asked him if I could be put in his tow cart and get a tow out into the temple.  We both looked at each other, at the cart, discussed the weight limit and decided it was worth a try.  It was happening, I was going to the temple :)

     As my campmate, biked exerting himself much I might add, I sat there in my white faux fur coat, sometimes looking at the screwdriver holding the cart to the bike, other times looking at the man in the mouse suit biking me out there as I held his tail, looking at the mass around me of all the people biking to the same direction.  It was a beautiful scene thousands of people with the same intention of biking towards the temple to watch it burn.  I thought, "My grandma is really proud right now" Even though my grandmother was a pioneer and feminist she still had some pretty old school beliefs, one of which was, the men, if they are able must always help the woman i.e., open the door, carry her bags, do whatever she wanted, almost.  A woman was supposed to feel like she could do anything that she wanted and also that she could have men also do almost anything she wanted.

     So I have this sticker, and it's really cool, for starters because I found it, for seconds because it reminds me of a funny story of my grandmother and last but not least, although my grandmother would think I might be mad for enduring the type of torture that Burning Man can be, I LOVE it, I get to believe that my grandmother is up in the skies, in the clouds, coming from the sunlight over the clouds, looking down on me and fully loving the moment I got the most precious gift I could think of this year, a man in a mouse suit towing me out to the temple. It's funny, I even thought that maybe she had some intervention in getting me to the temple.  How everything happened was in such a way that it truly had her signature written all over it.

     Each year I go out, when I write my postcards, I get to think of her, of how this year again I won't be able to send her a postcard, but I do get to think about all the times she supported me as an artist, all the dreams I had that she supported and that above anything else, all she wanted was for me to be safe and happy.  Each time I pick up moop is the opportunity for me to remember my grandfather, of how kind, loving and compassionate he was.  Of how I hope to one day find someone as kind as him.
I am safe, I am happy and I am trying to live all my dreams.  I am trying always, to love no matter what.

Landmarks, Flowers and Aloha Friday

     All together now "It's Aloha Friday, no work till Monday. It's Aloha Friday, no work till Monday.  It's Aloha Friday no work till monday.  It's Aloha Friday no work till Monday." While the lyrics of the song are not always true, it's still a fun song to sing.

     Not only is it Aloha Friday today Conduit for Love has had over 1,000 views! I know that is not that much and it is still a landmark.  My intention was to never get a lot of viewers, it was rather to challenge myself to express and share more of my thoughts, my mind, my should, my desires, my fears and my art. To be a creative person and welcome all the challenges that come with that.  Any "advertising" has been inspired by my artistic calling rather than wanting adoration, affirmation or validation.  I'm here, doing it and that's what matters most.

     Today we are going to celebrate with one of my most favorite things. FLOWERS! I love Flowers! I love buying them for others, growing them, buying them for myself, making leis for my loved ones out of them, making flower crowns, painting them, admiring them and countless other activities.  Flowers are one of natures many arts and I absolutely adore them. So if anyone ever wants to buy me flowers.  It would be welcomed with much appreciation enthusiasm and love.

So here are some Flowers!

A Gardenia that I put next to a picture of my mother.  We had them growing all around the house.  Gardenia's make me think of heaven and home.  I love them so much.

Pink! Pink makes me think of one of my favorite colors and of magic.

A flower outside a nearby restaurant.  Orange makes me think of monks, my grandmother and a dear friend of mine.  Orange and blue makes me think of my grandma and art.

Yellow is happiness and sunshine.

I associate Purple with royalty and psychic abilities.

I find these flowers so interesting.  They are even beautiful at the end of summer when they are all dried up.  I think "Don't pick the flowers" and its my own joke that I find funny.

A single Hibiscus in Hawai'i.

A water lily in Hawai'i

Rhododendrons remind me of living with my grand parents as a kid and of heartbreak.

A flower on our table at Cafe Coco

The juxtaposition of hard and soft outside of the Hardware store.

Spots of orange, like Monet.

Bougainvillea, my grandmother, Hawai'i, the Lindbrook Courtyard.

The Hindu Temple, Kauai.

Nature's Painting

Roses by my grandparent's grave.

Made arrangements out of these flowers for my Grandmother's last living Birthday.

My cousin helping me pick out Grandmas flowers in the International District of LA.

My friends flower shop.

Where I used to process flowers at my friend's flower shop.

Gave this one to a man.  I can't remember it's name.

Went searching for a stump to sit on, just before giving up.  found this one adorned.

A tulip outside the police station on my way to work.

I hope that these flowers brought a little extra joy to your day.  Comment below about a story about you and flowers, doesn't have to be grand, and I'll send you a little gift.  A picture of one of these flowers to celebrate this landmark.  Happy Aloha Friday.

A Bounty of Gifts

    Re-entry after Burning Man can be a bit challenging.  This year it was especially hard for me.  I think the combination of being super devoted to healing others, fulfilling my promises of carrying messages to the temple, getting really sick and not be able to have a day/night to be able to do whatever I wanted, the pure intensity of it, the inexplicable magic and not being able to get the sense of freedom that I wanted in the ways that I wanted it (time to be mindful that I did get freedom in other ways) left my heart hurting, my mind blown, my body sick and hurting and my soul very sad perceiving that I would need to wait another year before being able to get the things I wanted out of Burning Man.  After some contemplation I know that I got what I needed and that it may not have manifested itself in the ways that I wanted, that I can MANIFEST the freedom I wanted there through some action here, that it is better to accept MAGIC than to wonder how it is possible (explaining the inexplainable can be very hard on the mind), that I am still processing what happened and that I may never finish processing it, that through working through some hard work, challenging actions and fears I have come out of it a stronger, more fearless, more self-confident and more belief in myself as a healer.  I know that through every bit of advice that I gave to others was also advice for myself.  My brain now thinks "What am I doing, I wasn't going to write all this about Burning Man I was going to write about gifts and now I am writing about Burning Man and I haven't figured it all out yet and I am writing like I have.  Continue on.".

     I had the intention today to write about gifting.  Gifting is a a great foundation of Burning Man and can present itself through actions, words, love, physical gifts, when we open our mind to exactly "what a gift can be" we can realize how many of them we have in our lives.  Some gifts that I got on the playa included but are not limited to:
a ride to go get my stuff from the truck stop (this need not be explained)
acupuncture
energy work
m&m's
prunes
a children's book that was written by a woman who came to me for consultation
a laminated picture with a quote on the back
a tow out to the temple to see it burn
help getting my tent stakes out from the ground
a meal from camp Potluck
a necklace with a shell
a necklace that lights up to audio activation.  It blinks when I or others talk. HOW COOL :)
high fives (seriously high fives are awesome and there needs to be more of them)
kind ears and souls to listen to me when I was overwhelmed. sick, frustrated and disappointed
a bounty of yummy food
a beautiful creative skirt thingy
3 pieces of mail (my campmates think I am very popular) 2 of which were received on a day that I  
      was oh so sick and oh so sad (no one wants to get super sick at burning man especially on their                    
      day off)
An origami crane that was in one of the pieces of mail
A piece of art that was in another one of the pieces of mail
A beautiful card that made my soul feel alive and connected when I even think of it (the other piece
      of mail
A spritz of water on an utterly hot day
Magical Holy Basil and Sweet Rose tea
Ayurverdic healing
Ginger Crystals
Yummy Mocktails
A flower! (I told someone they were beautiful and then they gave me a real live flower)
Belief in me
Hugs! Lots and Lots and Lots of Hugs.  I LOVE hugs! and am always willing to accept more unless
       of course I think you are a creep in which case I won't want to hug you.
Help getting my stuff to the Burner Express Stop
People packed my stuff at the truck stop when I was sick and hurting
An AMAZING pickle.  Seriously best pickle ever!
a kind soul to hold on to my apartment keys so I wouldn't lose them on Playa
a kind soul to look after my car so it wouldn't accrue parking tickets and get towed away
a tow to see the temple burn when I was too sick to bike or walk
the delivery of my personal items by Camp Baggage Check to the temple when I was too sick to bike
     or walk
peppermint candies
Juice
I really don't want to forget any gifts but I know that I may be.  I can always come back and add them
      later :)

So those are some of the lovely gifts that I received.  One way to get over the Post Playa Blues is to try to manifest things that one values about Burning Man in their every day life.  The other day, as I said before, I was feeling sad, sick, confused about the meaning of all of it and I became mindful of all the amazing people that I have here in this sometimes cold city and the bounty of gifts that I am receiving now.  So to bring elation to the heart and appreciation to the gifts lets list them here.

An invitation to go participate in the gathering of The International Council of the 13 Indigenous
      Grandmothers in Africa (SO EXCITED!!!!)
help getting my stuff from the truck location to home
HUGS! the local florist adores me and loves to give me hugs :)
There was a street fair by where I live so I got the following from that
    A piece of chocolate
    A stress release packet
    A mixture of herbal tea
    A Rose sachet
    5 Gladiolas (they were only giving away 1 at a time and the local florist adores me :)
A kind soul to listen to me about my anxiety and sadness over this past burn (it was really intense)
Notice that I was going to receive a care package in the mail (having pen pals is the best!)
Words of love, appreciation and adoration from my wonderful friends
Funny tales of VERY inappropriate things that made me laugh and blush

   I would love to share more about the Gifts that I gave to others, and I haven't really thought of that, prior to writing this entry I made a little list of some of the gifts I received and didn't include gifts that I gave.  I also, can't spend all morning dreaming of things to write here.  Time to get some stuff done.

     So I will leave with these closing thoughts.  That which we may want we already have, one must look closely for it may not appear in the ways we know how to recognize it.  Dreams remain dreams if they live in the head, when they are acted upon or steps are taken to manifest them, then they become reality.  The reality that we live in is as beautiful, as ugly, as sad or as wonderful as we perceive it to be.  Sometimes a little shift in perspective can create big changes!  Everyone is loved and inside every person there is some hurt so, always try to be kind.  If you don't feel loved, remember that I LOVE YOU.

This entry is not edited or corrected and is inspired by immediacy.