The Honesty of 1:33 AM

     I can't sleep and I'm scared and wish that there was someone to tell me that everything will be ok. Not feeling to positive right now. I'm going to try my best to rest and to let go. I'm not too enthused that when people ask me to smile their first reaction is to laugh.  At the same time I am really grateful that I have a home, food in my fridge and clean water to drink.  I am trying hard not to judge myself as a stereotypical white privileged female.  When I look at my life I do know that I am blessed.  I just want my face to get better. I've been doing more research and it will more than likely take 1-3 months to get better.  I am not even positive we caught it in time enough for me to be in the 93% recovery rate. Being this vulnerable is making me feel really uncomfortable. I wish someone would come and sweep me up into a big giant hug. I should be writing this in a journal instead of here.  I am going to go back to bed now. Maybe I just needed to be authentic and not be all "super positive".  This emotion will pass and I'll feel better.  Thanks for listening. If you have any extra good energy to send my way.  I'll take it right now.  Also, I really want a piece of cake.  I'm on a no sugar diet so instead I will gladly eat an organic asian pear that I am very grateful to have.  Nope.  Just going to lay back down and imagine that I am surrounded by healing love.  Love you! P.S I'll post some pretty pictures soon.