The Whale and the Massage

    I began writing by describing what has passed over the past couple months because it seems like the thing to do. That's not what brought me here today though. What brought me here today is the thought "I can't remember the last time I had a good dream." That sentence has come up a couple times as I haven't been having any good dreams just nightmares. It's been like this now since February I think. Night after night dead relatives would show up in my sleep, painful stories from the past would play over and over and I would wake up in a state of dread, horror and anxiety, wondering what sort of doom would be coming warranting these nightmares. I've grown more accustomed to them. They don't rock my day and spin me into a state of fear. I had another one last night. Instead, I just sit here with my heart aching a little bit.

    I keep on saying that "I can't remember the last time I had a good dream." Last night I noticed that whenever I have said that or thought that, in the depths of my memory is the dream of the whale. I don't remember if it is officially the last good dream I had, it is the one that I remember though. I was in Hawai'i at one of my favorite spots, the ocean was calm and the day was beautiful.  On the reef was a big humpback whale. I can see the grooves of its throat so thick and so pronounced. Somehow I manage to be by the humpback, its not in danger even though its out of the water, it's just chilling there. The humpback whale has migrated thousands of miles and is oh so tired and would love so much if I gave em a massage. The humpback whale asks me for a massage. I explain to the humpback how I would love to give em a massage but that e is so big and I am so small and if e just moved even a little bit that e would crush me.  The humpback reassured me that he would hold perfectly still and would not even move a bit. I remember touching em, I think e giggled a bit as e was tickled. I wondered if this massage thing was actually going to work out. That was the dream, hanging out with a whale negotiating a massage on one of my favorite spots in the world. I LOVE whales.