Its Martin Luther King day and I have a feeling that I haven't done enough. I spoke about my anxiety and issues with rallies and protests in this entry about chanting OM MANI PADME HUM. I've been working on some grounding, some visualization that has helped my anxiety some. Basically, this idea of something that I can not do needs to be changed to something that I am willing to try to do. It may be scary, it may be unpleasant and it may lead to results that could be predictable. Then again, it could be empowering, uniting, in line with my values, supportive, important, the list of adjectives could go on.
Today I listened to speeches of Martin Luther King while I fussed about the house, prepped veggies, and did that stuff and it filled my soul with inspiration. I found his strength, his fierceness, his compassion and his dreams as something that really spoke to my heart and maybe awakened some courage inside of me. I ended the day wishing that I had gone to a rally, that I had protested, that I had put my body and my soul out there with others. I didn't though. The one thing I did do was pass out a Prayer for Justice, that if I get permission will post here.
Like I said in my entry about chanting, I know there is more work to be done and part of that work starts with myself. Believing in myself. Envisioning myself being successful at things that I think "I can't do" I've realized that somewhere along this life a voice crept up on me feeding me lies. This voice likes to tell me that I am not good enough to do something, not strong enough nor capable of doing it. I've been acknowledging how that holds me back in my own life and today it really made me think of how it is holding my back on my journey towards working for social justice and working within my values.
I'll admit that in the past I have silenced my beliefs, to not disturb the status quo. It was one of the ways I was raised. I grew up in an environment where having an opinion that went against what I was supposed to think meant that I would be punished and that unconditional love would be withdrawn.
At times as well, I have turned a blind eye. I have not watched the news because of the phobias it makes me have. I stay away in an effort to find some sense of calm. My soul is very sensitive.
This sensitive soul has to also been a catalyst for change in my life.
To all of you who took to the streets. Thank you! To all of you who speak your truth despite the discomfort it may create in your life. Thank you! To everyone out there working to make this world a better place. Thank you!. You are an inspiration to me. I see these aspects of you that I want to have in myself, that in some ways I have in myself.
I envision a world where everyone has clean water to drink and food to eat. Where justice does not have a blind eye towards race, prestige, gender, religion or economic power. Where we all fight for each other for we realize that each of us is one. We are all humans on this earth. Some of us are more privileged than others yet that ought to not separate us from the world conscious, instead help one another
I hope that some day soon I may share with you other ways that I have been brave so that I can contribute to this world the things that I hold dear to my heart. So that I may help myself and help others. So that this light of inspiration does not die out and instead inspires others. So that I may look past my own ego to truly see where I stand.
Thank you for all that you do!
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