Found on the Ground, Looking Up at the Sky

     In me default life (Burning Man lingo for the life of a burner outside of Burning Man), I like to sometimes look at the ground when I walk, looking for things, call it an urban beach combing if you will.  I find cards, pieces of art, feathers, bird eggs, marbles, money, leafs, interesting things that fall out of trees, flowers,  cutouts of butterflies, stickers, jewelry, all kinds of stuff and the stuff varies depending on the season as well.  Sometimes if an item speaks to me, such as the Queen of Heart card that I found after a reading or beautiful intact flowers,  I will take it home and put it on my altar. It will stay there until I decide that I no longer want it there.
   
     My beach combing skills, which were finely high tuned after years of looking for particular shells and small pieces of glass for jewelry in Hawaii, come in pretty handy at Burning Man when it comes to picking up MOOP (Matter Out of Place) which is anything that doesn't belong there, on the ground.  I love to MOOP.  I feel like whenever I am doing it I am continuing a part of my heritage or legacy if you will.  I can remember my grandfather telling me "Chrystal, whenever you go some place, make sure that when you leave, you are leaving it more beautiful than when you first arrived."  I'd like to say that I always do this, I don't though, and it is a part of my practice of being a citizen of this world whereas I do it enough to the point that maybe one day I will do it everywhere I go.
   
     I definitely fulfill more than my 2 hours of required mooping each year at Burning Man.  When I am not on schedule for working I pretty much moop almost every time I walk back and forth to the porta potties.  I have a little moop bag that I put my moop in.  I enjoy being fascinated by what I find, there will always be sequins, glowsticks, cigarette buts, glow bracelets, pieces of toilet paper, pieces of wood however, sometimes one is lucky to find an absolutely beautiful bead, a flower from someones costume or a piece of jewelry.  One day when I was walking around camp and mopping, I bent down to pick up what I thought was a piece of paper which really turned out to be a window decal sticker of the man. "Sweet, best piece of moop ever." I showed it to one of my camp mate and he agreed.
   
     Since I've been back in my apartment I have been going through the long process of deplayafying everything.  Washing all the clothes, washing myself, washing my hair, wiping all the stuff done with water and vinegar.  It is a looooong process of which there is still much to do.  Today, I made it through a bag of clothes I did not wear, my tool kit and some leftover toiletries.  I made a note of all the things I used, all the things I didn't use and all the things I need to buy more of.  Before I put stuff away for the year I hope to have everything somewhat organized so that I can grab my bins, pack my clothes, spend a day buying whatever extra stuff I need and then head out on my way without needing to spend a long time making sure I have everything.

     Today, 6 o'clock rolled around and I was over it.  Stuff was everywhere and I thought "Screw it, I am going to put it in this box for now and I can organize it tomorrow." As I was putting everything away I bent down to pick up what I thought was a piece of recycling only to discover that it was the special Burning Man decal that I found on the Playa.  I was super stoked to find it cause I totally had forgotten about it.  I imagined what I would do with it, would I put it on my car and if I did would there be more of a chance of me getting pulled over? " Then, I was transported back into time.
I remember looking at my grandmothers wheelchair.  She had a Burning Man sticker on her wheelchair, she was always a woman ahead of her time.  One year a dear friend of ours had gone to the burn, had come back, and put the sticker on her chair.  I remember on day, we were sitting at lunch (we being my grandmother, my cousin and myself) talking about what actually goes on at Burning Man.  The topic of drug use came up.  At one point she said " I want to go to the dessert too and do LSD." Mind you this was after her stroke, my pre-stroke grandmother would have never said that. My cousin and I looked at each other, looked at her, she looked at us, my cousin and I were silent and she said, "I do, I really do, lets go to the desert and do LSD." My cousin had to say to her that we couldn't do that and she looked very disappointed.

     When we were out in the desert this year there was one day where I could particularly feel the presence of my grandmother.  I was really sick and hadn't made it to any of the burns, I had made an announcement at dinner that if anyone knew of anyway that I could make it out to the temple burn without needing to walk or bike I would be very appreciative and that if it didn't happen I wouldn't be heartbroken (the last part I think was a lie I was just trying to tell myself.)
I found some people that could give me a ride out there but I wasn't guaranteed a ride back.  My fever was high and I felt really bad that I knew that I couldn't stay out there long or I could get much worse.  I had given up on the whole thing every happening when my campmate grabbed me by the arm, pulled me over to a fellow campmate and asked him if I could be put in his tow cart and get a tow out into the temple.  We both looked at each other, at the cart, discussed the weight limit and decided it was worth a try.  It was happening, I was going to the temple :)

     As my campmate, biked exerting himself much I might add, I sat there in my white faux fur coat, sometimes looking at the screwdriver holding the cart to the bike, other times looking at the man in the mouse suit biking me out there as I held his tail, looking at the mass around me of all the people biking to the same direction.  It was a beautiful scene thousands of people with the same intention of biking towards the temple to watch it burn.  I thought, "My grandma is really proud right now" Even though my grandmother was a pioneer and feminist she still had some pretty old school beliefs, one of which was, the men, if they are able must always help the woman i.e., open the door, carry her bags, do whatever she wanted, almost.  A woman was supposed to feel like she could do anything that she wanted and also that she could have men also do almost anything she wanted.

     So I have this sticker, and it's really cool, for starters because I found it, for seconds because it reminds me of a funny story of my grandmother and last but not least, although my grandmother would think I might be mad for enduring the type of torture that Burning Man can be, I LOVE it, I get to believe that my grandmother is up in the skies, in the clouds, coming from the sunlight over the clouds, looking down on me and fully loving the moment I got the most precious gift I could think of this year, a man in a mouse suit towing me out to the temple. It's funny, I even thought that maybe she had some intervention in getting me to the temple.  How everything happened was in such a way that it truly had her signature written all over it.

     Each year I go out, when I write my postcards, I get to think of her, of how this year again I won't be able to send her a postcard, but I do get to think about all the times she supported me as an artist, all the dreams I had that she supported and that above anything else, all she wanted was for me to be safe and happy.  Each time I pick up moop is the opportunity for me to remember my grandfather, of how kind, loving and compassionate he was.  Of how I hope to one day find someone as kind as him.
I am safe, I am happy and I am trying to live all my dreams.  I am trying always, to love no matter what.

Landmarks, Flowers and Aloha Friday

     All together now "It's Aloha Friday, no work till Monday. It's Aloha Friday, no work till Monday.  It's Aloha Friday no work till monday.  It's Aloha Friday no work till Monday." While the lyrics of the song are not always true, it's still a fun song to sing.

     Not only is it Aloha Friday today Conduit for Love has had over 1,000 views! I know that is not that much and it is still a landmark.  My intention was to never get a lot of viewers, it was rather to challenge myself to express and share more of my thoughts, my mind, my should, my desires, my fears and my art. To be a creative person and welcome all the challenges that come with that.  Any "advertising" has been inspired by my artistic calling rather than wanting adoration, affirmation or validation.  I'm here, doing it and that's what matters most.

     Today we are going to celebrate with one of my most favorite things. FLOWERS! I love Flowers! I love buying them for others, growing them, buying them for myself, making leis for my loved ones out of them, making flower crowns, painting them, admiring them and countless other activities.  Flowers are one of natures many arts and I absolutely adore them. So if anyone ever wants to buy me flowers.  It would be welcomed with much appreciation enthusiasm and love.

So here are some Flowers!

A Gardenia that I put next to a picture of my mother.  We had them growing all around the house.  Gardenia's make me think of heaven and home.  I love them so much.

Pink! Pink makes me think of one of my favorite colors and of magic.

A flower outside a nearby restaurant.  Orange makes me think of monks, my grandmother and a dear friend of mine.  Orange and blue makes me think of my grandma and art.

Yellow is happiness and sunshine.

I associate Purple with royalty and psychic abilities.

I find these flowers so interesting.  They are even beautiful at the end of summer when they are all dried up.  I think "Don't pick the flowers" and its my own joke that I find funny.

A single Hibiscus in Hawai'i.

A water lily in Hawai'i

Rhododendrons remind me of living with my grand parents as a kid and of heartbreak.

A flower on our table at Cafe Coco

The juxtaposition of hard and soft outside of the Hardware store.

Spots of orange, like Monet.

Bougainvillea, my grandmother, Hawai'i, the Lindbrook Courtyard.

The Hindu Temple, Kauai.

Nature's Painting

Roses by my grandparent's grave.

Made arrangements out of these flowers for my Grandmother's last living Birthday.

My cousin helping me pick out Grandmas flowers in the International District of LA.

My friends flower shop.

Where I used to process flowers at my friend's flower shop.

Gave this one to a man.  I can't remember it's name.

Went searching for a stump to sit on, just before giving up.  found this one adorned.

A tulip outside the police station on my way to work.

I hope that these flowers brought a little extra joy to your day.  Comment below about a story about you and flowers, doesn't have to be grand, and I'll send you a little gift.  A picture of one of these flowers to celebrate this landmark.  Happy Aloha Friday.

A Bounty of Gifts

    Re-entry after Burning Man can be a bit challenging.  This year it was especially hard for me.  I think the combination of being super devoted to healing others, fulfilling my promises of carrying messages to the temple, getting really sick and not be able to have a day/night to be able to do whatever I wanted, the pure intensity of it, the inexplicable magic and not being able to get the sense of freedom that I wanted in the ways that I wanted it (time to be mindful that I did get freedom in other ways) left my heart hurting, my mind blown, my body sick and hurting and my soul very sad perceiving that I would need to wait another year before being able to get the things I wanted out of Burning Man.  After some contemplation I know that I got what I needed and that it may not have manifested itself in the ways that I wanted, that I can MANIFEST the freedom I wanted there through some action here, that it is better to accept MAGIC than to wonder how it is possible (explaining the inexplainable can be very hard on the mind), that I am still processing what happened and that I may never finish processing it, that through working through some hard work, challenging actions and fears I have come out of it a stronger, more fearless, more self-confident and more belief in myself as a healer.  I know that through every bit of advice that I gave to others was also advice for myself.  My brain now thinks "What am I doing, I wasn't going to write all this about Burning Man I was going to write about gifts and now I am writing about Burning Man and I haven't figured it all out yet and I am writing like I have.  Continue on.".

     I had the intention today to write about gifting.  Gifting is a a great foundation of Burning Man and can present itself through actions, words, love, physical gifts, when we open our mind to exactly "what a gift can be" we can realize how many of them we have in our lives.  Some gifts that I got on the playa included but are not limited to:
a ride to go get my stuff from the truck stop (this need not be explained)
acupuncture
energy work
m&m's
prunes
a children's book that was written by a woman who came to me for consultation
a laminated picture with a quote on the back
a tow out to the temple to see it burn
help getting my tent stakes out from the ground
a meal from camp Potluck
a necklace with a shell
a necklace that lights up to audio activation.  It blinks when I or others talk. HOW COOL :)
high fives (seriously high fives are awesome and there needs to be more of them)
kind ears and souls to listen to me when I was overwhelmed. sick, frustrated and disappointed
a bounty of yummy food
a beautiful creative skirt thingy
3 pieces of mail (my campmates think I am very popular) 2 of which were received on a day that I  
      was oh so sick and oh so sad (no one wants to get super sick at burning man especially on their                    
      day off)
An origami crane that was in one of the pieces of mail
A piece of art that was in another one of the pieces of mail
A beautiful card that made my soul feel alive and connected when I even think of it (the other piece
      of mail
A spritz of water on an utterly hot day
Magical Holy Basil and Sweet Rose tea
Ayurverdic healing
Ginger Crystals
Yummy Mocktails
A flower! (I told someone they were beautiful and then they gave me a real live flower)
Belief in me
Hugs! Lots and Lots and Lots of Hugs.  I LOVE hugs! and am always willing to accept more unless
       of course I think you are a creep in which case I won't want to hug you.
Help getting my stuff to the Burner Express Stop
People packed my stuff at the truck stop when I was sick and hurting
An AMAZING pickle.  Seriously best pickle ever!
a kind soul to hold on to my apartment keys so I wouldn't lose them on Playa
a kind soul to look after my car so it wouldn't accrue parking tickets and get towed away
a tow to see the temple burn when I was too sick to bike or walk
the delivery of my personal items by Camp Baggage Check to the temple when I was too sick to bike
     or walk
peppermint candies
Juice
I really don't want to forget any gifts but I know that I may be.  I can always come back and add them
      later :)

So those are some of the lovely gifts that I received.  One way to get over the Post Playa Blues is to try to manifest things that one values about Burning Man in their every day life.  The other day, as I said before, I was feeling sad, sick, confused about the meaning of all of it and I became mindful of all the amazing people that I have here in this sometimes cold city and the bounty of gifts that I am receiving now.  So to bring elation to the heart and appreciation to the gifts lets list them here.

An invitation to go participate in the gathering of The International Council of the 13 Indigenous
      Grandmothers in Africa (SO EXCITED!!!!)
help getting my stuff from the truck location to home
HUGS! the local florist adores me and loves to give me hugs :)
There was a street fair by where I live so I got the following from that
    A piece of chocolate
    A stress release packet
    A mixture of herbal tea
    A Rose sachet
    5 Gladiolas (they were only giving away 1 at a time and the local florist adores me :)
A kind soul to listen to me about my anxiety and sadness over this past burn (it was really intense)
Notice that I was going to receive a care package in the mail (having pen pals is the best!)
Words of love, appreciation and adoration from my wonderful friends
Funny tales of VERY inappropriate things that made me laugh and blush

   I would love to share more about the Gifts that I gave to others, and I haven't really thought of that, prior to writing this entry I made a little list of some of the gifts I received and didn't include gifts that I gave.  I also, can't spend all morning dreaming of things to write here.  Time to get some stuff done.

     So I will leave with these closing thoughts.  That which we may want we already have, one must look closely for it may not appear in the ways we know how to recognize it.  Dreams remain dreams if they live in the head, when they are acted upon or steps are taken to manifest them, then they become reality.  The reality that we live in is as beautiful, as ugly, as sad or as wonderful as we perceive it to be.  Sometimes a little shift in perspective can create big changes!  Everyone is loved and inside every person there is some hurt so, always try to be kind.  If you don't feel loved, remember that I LOVE YOU.

This entry is not edited or corrected and is inspired by immediacy.