Saturday, October 26, 2013

There Always Gotta Be a First Day

It was told to me by a dear friend, after I had shown up to class in the extremely inappropriate clothing.  It was my first day of glassblowing.  I knew nothing of what to wear.  You're supposed to wear loose fitting clothes and 100% cotton.  I showed up in tight non cotton leggings wearing a skin tight non cotton dress.  I felt like that girl that was trying to be hot.  In the end I was freaking hot and managed to not burn myself or melt my clothes off.  If the me now saw that girl then, I probably would've just shook my head and thought "poor girl."  As I explained this story to my group of coffee shop buddies, the embarrassment, the sweat, the jokes that came along with what I was wearing. He piped up and said "There's always gotta be a first day."

Sometimes the fear associated with starting something new can cause a type of frozen effect.  As an artist, when I start a project, I normally have a vision, what it is going to look like, the format is normally decided, along with how it is going to be displayed and the significance of the concept.  All this has stopped me from creating a blog.  The things that run through my mind are, 1.  I need an editor, I am dyslexic and I have learned from experience that not being able to speak well or write well can make people think less of you, believe that you are of less intelligence.  2. Where is that perfect title? 3. Will it be personal? Will I only show my art? How much am I willing to share? What does this look like? How do I create a format? 4. I technically have no idea how to even create a blog.

I have looked at some other blogs and I am left with a perception of their perfect lives.  And then I look around my apartment.  Does anyone want to see the dishes in my sink, my burning man gear which is still piled up in the corner almost three months later, my closet that looks more like a storage unit, my bare walls that are still bare despite the fact that I have lived in this apartment for 2 years already.  Oh, I have the art, I just haven't hung it. The Ego of Defeat says  "I am not one of these blogging women. What do I have to offer?" It's all just perception. The truth is simple.  What do I have to offer?  My self.   For I am an artist, a thinker, a person that desires to connect with others, a person that likes to document my thoughts, my journeys, the times in life that make me laugh and smile and the times in life that make me cry.

Yet, I felt stuck.  Where do I start? Then the answer appeared in my brain. "Start with what you know. Start with whats around you." So I know photography... Ok, I will start with that.  Then I remembered my back injury that had put me in bed for most of the day for the past two months. I remembered what I have been telling myself for the past couple of weeks "You can do almost anything for 15 minutes." So thats what I did.  I grabbed my camera, went to get a cup of coffee, and began documenting what would be my first blog entry.  Here is some of what I captured.  

Oftentimes my first view when I wake up in the morning are a couple of trees, this being one of them. I had been thinking "tree when will you become bare and lose your yellow leaves?" It was only after editing that I realized she was well on her way, with just a few leaves left.


  Shifting my perception to the street below.  Vibrant Trees with plenty of color left.






 Standing under the tree, under the branches, for a moment I forgot I was in the city.  It felt like home.  The smell of damp dirt and the scent of trees.  I felt a sense of security. Of safety.



The spider webs reminded me of one of my dreams. A Dream that is for another time.


I  passed beautifully crafted spider webs, took photos of every one, they reminded me of home. Of flowers bowing to the weight of the dew from the fog.  Holding on till the cold finally becomes too strong. I enjoy the chaos that nature creates.  It has a sense of order to it.





 We've been blessed with fog, with mystery.  I lay in bed and watch trees reveal themselves while the background hides.  The landscape comes in and out of focus only showing me what it wants.  It is a beautiful little tease that has become one of the greatest joys of my days.  I had been lying in bed thinking "I wish I could go and photograph it," thinking of a destination that I already had in mind, knowing that my body couldn't make it.  Remember, there's a beautiful world just outside the door.  One need not go far to capture the beauty of life.





Lately I have been thinking of death.  I have been grieving the loss of someone very close to me.  I have been thinking of transformation of space, self, energy.  The landscape around me is a reflection of my thoughts.  Every time I get on a bus, a new historic building has been torn down and they have already begun rapid construction on a new fancy modern apartment or condo complex.  Of course, which all will be too expensive for the majority of the people that live here.  It astonishes me, how quickly something can be torn down, forgotten and replaced.  I can't even remember anymore what stood there before. This building though is closer to home.  I don't know what it will be in the future, that doesn't bother me much, for right now, I am enjoying walking by it and seeing art. Thankfully it is art.




 There are some moments I cant help resist but savor.  One of them is watching the cream hit the coffee, swirling about, creating patterns and swirls of moving painting.  It shall be something that I never get sick of.  I attempted to photograph it here and my lens was fogging up.  So we have a coffee reading instead of a tea reading.  I enjoy looking in, seeing what symbols are created.  Is there a scene in here? What does it say?

That it's time to play with the perception of fog.












If you slow down, if you stop and notice what lies along your path, what beauty can you find close to home? What simple pleasures give you the most joy? It is there, that even in the hardest of times, I found moments of joy.


This post was brought to you by Migraine Fierceness and a Love for Imperfections! 
I would rather have failed many times than have never tried at all...Didn't somebody famous say that?